Posted on 05/04/08 @ 09:41 PM (updated 05/26/08
The is the story of Jaguar Paw, how it all began...Once an outlander arrives at the shores of his land, his life would be changed forever...
This is a cutscene, my very first. its not a perfect 5 cutscene, but i put a great amount of effort into this.
This is strictly cinimatic cutscene meaning you dont have to touch the mouse, well most of it is anyway.
Please leave any comments you have because it really helps alot.
I now changed this fro, my preveious senario because it was to short so i had to fix it. About 150+ triggers included.
Hope you enjoy! Sequel being worked on.
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Dont worry about the shortness, great story. The only thing that need fixing is the size or the vills. I played it twice, and the first time when I went to see the elders for judgment, a vill came up and started building a blacksmith where I was standing!
The thing you could do is one of four:
*Delete all the vills
*Give lots more room
*Get Immobile Units AI from the Blacksmith(EVERYONE has a copy, you need one too even if you dont use it, :P)
*Disable all buildings from being built for player 2
The last 2 would be the best options.
Nice work, good eye candy, and great story! Ill be waiting for the rest of it!
[Edited on 05/09/08 @ 02:28 PM]
i am about 25% done with my second part of the series, but im having difficulty keeping units to stay.
I strongly suggest you use the Immobile Units AI. Search it up on the blacksmith.
If you cant get some to stay still and some to move, then what you could do is have two players with the same color and same tribe name, and then for the units you dont want to move put on player 2 immobile units ai, and for the units you do want to move around, put them on player 3 without immobile units ai.
Did that make any since?
use the "immobile unit ai gold" ai to keep your units staying...
I haven't played this yet, but you need to have three villagers for Immobile Units to work for villagers.
This didn't really impress me very much.
There was nothing really to play, so I'll leave it at an average score.
It was as balanced as you get without fighting, so I'll leave this one at a five.
I didn't find there to be much creativity here.
Map Design: 2
Flowers were far overused as they cover about 99.9 percent of the ground everywhere but the Spanish town. And there was still basically only grass 1, save a few areas with road, and one with some dirt. There was also still not very much elevation, and water mixing was still minimal, if done at all. Also, the shore fish at the beach looked bad lined up in a row, remember, fish do not have that kind of coordination, it looks just plain odd. Since I felt that last time, I may have been too lenient on the map design score, and since it seems the only thing the author did to improve the design was add loads, and load of flowers, I lower the score to a two.
Alright, there was, I believe, no sentences in the entire scenario with proper grammar. There were still several spelling mistakes, which were amplified by the fact that the scenario had many more lines of dialogue than the previous version. Please spell check your writing, and capitalize the word I and the beginning of sentences. I did not know who was talking half of the time, for instance, after the battle scene, one person says, "You should go see the High Elder now," I had no idea who was saying that. I thought that you didn't do a very good job with expressing character emotions, such as, "Oh no hes dead," I didn't really know whether he was scared or sad. And you didn't say, how the Elder died at the end of the scenario, instead he just keeled over. Was he poisoned, did the man next to him stab him, or did he just plain die of old age, conveniently after the man said he knew too much? And one more thing, Mayans were at a point where they could have fielded an army as large as the one depicted in the battle around 900 A.D, the Aztecs were flourishing, around 1500 A.D. That is over 600 hundred years difference, seeing as the Mayan's cities were also abandoned around 900 A.D. Also, I did enjoy the comedic lines such as the one referencing Columbus' arrival in the new world.
Be clearer on things in the story, spell check it, and do a little research into the Aztec Culture, as for the map design, I recommend the you download Nyctophobia from the blacksmith, as it is one of the best Jungle themed scenarios I have played.
Recommended Download: Again, I apologise, but still no.
EDIT: Thanks for editing my review Tanneur. I forgot about the 5 balance for cutscenes, and the 3 for having a story.
EDIT 2: This update is for the redone scenario.
[Edited on 05/27/08 @ 09:31 AM]
"Exile" is the prologue for a - nameless? - campaign which tells about Jaguar Paw, a man who was imprisoned by his tribe.
This was a VERY short cuscene-like scenario, from about two minutes. No irritating bugs ocurred, but the plot was a bit boring. I was not really impressed, but it was not too bad.
This is a scenario without fighting, so it just gets a 5.
There were not much creative elements in this scenario. However, being imprisoned etc. is a nice idea ;)
MAP DESIGN: 3
The map design looked not much better than any random map. Just (no terrain mixing!) road with jungle surrounding. It also lacked eyecandy a bit, I love that.
This cutscene had a quite good plot, but not overwhelming. This was one of the better points in this scenario.
Nice try, was not too bad.
- Nice story
- Bad map design
- Not very creative
I recommend you try to train your map-designing skills and the length of the cutscene. And you should use Zanzard Lothar's Immobile units Ai.
[Edited on 05/18/08 @ 08:57 AM]
QUOTE:I recommend you try to train your map-designing skills and the length of the cutscene.
I agree. What I do is finish the scenario, and then I wait to submit it. Yes, wait. After all your hard work, you should announce it on the forums or something and give it a release date about 3-5 days away. In that time you should go back and go in sections of the map and add eye candy.
Eye Candy Tips:
-I suggest not having too many rocks(not that you do). You should only put a few rocks here and there, and not in any clump bigger than 3 at a time. This all comes with the exception of rocks by cliffs.
-Flowers(not flower bed) are very good eye candy, but you can easily overdue it. You should keep flowers in patches, and not everywhere.
-LOTS of elevations should be used. While you dont want to go over the top by using elevation 7, it is good to use hills. You want to remember not to make your hills perfect squares.
-Mountains should only be placed every 30-40 squares minimum.
-One of the most important things is to make sure you mix terrains. There are plenty of articles on the forums and scenarios in the blacksmith that can help you there.
-Your vills shouldn't stand up in a line. If you get together with friends and are just hanging out, you will probably not be all standing in a line facing the same direction. :P
-Lastly, Before you submit your scenario, go back over all your clumps of trees and outline them with a tiny brush and make the lines un-even. Forests don't grow in perfectly square patches.
I disagree with you, warlord, he has a good story, he just needs to add more adjectives, be more grammatical, and spell check. I agree that Aztecs(or anyone in AoK) would ever say, "Is this guy nuts?"
And c'mon, this is a good download! I am anxious to see what happens. How will it work is why. A Jaguar Warrior can't build a TC, so it has to work out some other way. That is, unless you start with one. Which would not be creative. :P
Anyways, keep up the good work LBHB!
[Edited on 05/19/08 @ 06:13 PM]
i really appreciate the reveiws guys you are awsome!
[Edited on 05/24/08 @ 10:04 PM]
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