Posted on 05/04/08 @ 09:41 PM (updated 05/26/08
The is the story of Jaguar Paw, how it all began...Once an outlander arrives at the shores of his land, his life would be changed forever...
This is a cutscene, my very first. its not a perfect 5 cutscene, but i put a great amount of effort into this.
This is strictly cinimatic cutscene meaning you dont have to touch the mouse, well most of it is anyway.
Please leave any comments you have because it really helps alot.
I now changed this fro, my preveious senario because it was to short so i had to fix it. About 150+ triggers included.
Hope you enjoy! Sequel being worked on.
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This didn't really impress me very much.
There was nothing really to play, so I'll leave it at an average score.
It was as balanced as you get without fighting, so I'll leave this one at a five.
I didn't find there to be much creativity here.
Map Design: 2
Flowers were far overused as they cover about 99.9 percent of the ground everywhere but the Spanish town. And there was still basically only grass 1, save a few areas with road, and one with some dirt. There was also still not very much elevation, and water mixing was still minimal, if done at all. Also, the shore fish at the beach looked bad lined up in a row, remember, fish do not have that kind of coordination, it looks just plain odd. Since I felt that last time, I may have been too lenient on the map design score, and since it seems the only thing the author did to improve the design was add loads, and load of flowers, I lower the score to a two.
Alright, there was, I believe, no sentences in the entire scenario with proper grammar. There were still several spelling mistakes, which were amplified by the fact that the scenario had many more lines of dialogue than the previous version. Please spell check your writing, and capitalize the word I and the beginning of sentences. I did not know who was talking half of the time, for instance, after the battle scene, one person says, "You should go see the High Elder now," I had no idea who was saying that. I thought that you didn't do a very good job with expressing character emotions, such as, "Oh no hes dead," I didn't really know whether he was scared or sad. And you didn't say, how the Elder died at the end of the scenario, instead he just keeled over. Was he poisoned, did the man next to him stab him, or did he just plain die of old age, conveniently after the man said he knew too much? And one more thing, Mayans were at a point where they could have fielded an army as large as the one depicted in the battle around 900 A.D, the Aztecs were flourishing, around 1500 A.D. That is over 600 hundred years difference, seeing as the Mayan's cities were also abandoned around 900 A.D. Also, I did enjoy the comedic lines such as the one referencing Columbus' arrival in the new world.
Be clearer on things in the story, spell check it, and do a little research into the Aztec Culture, as for the map design, I recommend the you download Nyctophobia from the blacksmith, as it is one of the best Jungle themed scenarios I have played.
Recommended Download: Again, I apologise, but still no.
EDIT: Thanks for editing my review Tanneur. I forgot about the 5 balance for cutscenes, and the 3 for having a story.
EDIT 2: This update is for the redone scenario.
[Edited on 05/27/08 @ 09:31 AM]
"Exile" is the prologue for a - nameless? - campaign which tells about Jaguar Paw, a man who was imprisoned by his tribe.
This was a VERY short cuscene-like scenario, from about two minutes. No irritating bugs ocurred, but the plot was a bit boring. I was not really impressed, but it was not too bad.
This is a scenario without fighting, so it just gets a 5.
There were not much creative elements in this scenario. However, being imprisoned etc. is a nice idea ;)
MAP DESIGN: 3
The map design looked not much better than any random map. Just (no terrain mixing!) road with jungle surrounding. It also lacked eyecandy a bit, I love that.
This cutscene had a quite good plot, but not overwhelming. This was one of the better points in this scenario.
Nice try, was not too bad.
- Nice story
- Bad map design
- Not very creative
I recommend you try to train your map-designing skills and the length of the cutscene. And you should use Zanzard Lothar's Immobile units Ai.
[Edited on 05/18/08 @ 08:57 AM]
Overall Rating: 3.4
Generally speaking, I enjoyed the cutscene. I liked the way you developed the plot in many different settings, never needing to use the same area twice.
You lost a point in this category because of text-lag, which got extremely annoying over the course of this scenario. What I mean by that is that some of the text was on the screen for way too long in conversations, leaving the player bored and anxious, while other portions of the text where not on the screen long enough to read it all, leaving the player confused. This detracted from my ability to enjoy the cutscene.
A few notes: I appreciate the fact that you had differing levels of balance based on the situations. You had the first one-on-one battle last like a man-to-man combat situation would. Then, when the large battle occurred, you had a massive clash, with deaths on both sides, and a reasonable amount of visible confusion, as you might find if you were watching a real large-scale battle. Then, at the end, the high elder dies without a fight. That, too makes sense, as an elder would have no fighting abilities, and would easily be killed by an assassin he believed was a friend. Well done.
One more note: When you use triggers to kill a unit, do not use the "remove object" option. Rather, use the "kill object" option. When someone dies, they would leave a corpse. "Kill object" leaves the appropriate corpse, while "remove object" simply eliminates the unit. In the future, kill the dying units instead of removing them.
This is a reasonably creative scenario. The map design, as I will say below, was very good. You also used a good variety of different types of units, which always helps the creativity rating. There were a few nice trigger tricks used, such as the areas being revealed as the main character walks into them. There were not too many of good trigger tricks used, however, (almost all of the triggers just being text on the screen) and those which you did use had a few problems and glitches. In addition, some of the more inventive ideas were confusing, such as how a ship could sink, randomly and for no apparent reason, in one area, and then the wreckage appears seconds later, relatively intact, a short ways down the coast. As such, I could only give you an average score in this category.
You could have scored higher in this category if you had used a few more advanced trigger effects. In addition, I think this scenario might profit from some added sound effects, to add to the authentic sense of being immersed in Aztec society. (Side note that didn’t detract from your score: As you were going for the historic feel, I should point out that the Mayans could not possibly have fought the Aztecs. The Mayans were extinct as a society by the time the Aztec civilization was born. It would make more sense for the Aztecs to be fighting another Aztec tribe.)
Map Design: (3)
This is where you really excelled. You made the sections of the map distinct to their location in the world, and the map design made it clear that the Aztecs lived in a coastal jungle. You used variety of building types in your cities, which added to the realism of the whole things. The mossy ground cover also served to provide a more authentic jungle feeling to the scenario. The Spanish city was distinctly European, so the player got the idea that the slaver was sending someone across the ocean to South America. The map portions which you used were amazingly well put together. Well done.
There were, however, a number of factors which lowered your score. For example, you do not use elevations or terrain mixing in your scenario. Real land is not flat and does no have clear-cut terrain types. Another example is the sea. It is made up of only one water type (deep), and has no fish in it other than the family's fishing area. A real sea would become shallow near the shore, and it would have fish living throughout it. All these factors detract from the realism of the scenario.
You did not receive a good score in this area, and there are a few reasons. First, there was no real history given, so the player comes into the cutscene not knowing anything. Then, you moved on to use confusing dialogue and not explain who the story’s characters actually are. The dialogue continued to be confusing, and it appeared to be very haphazardly arranged. You also served to neglect the “Scouts” section, save for a very bad attempt at a joke.
In a cutscene, it is very important to develop what is happening, and to do so in a way which is understandable to the player. By giving no background information in the Instructions, Hints, History, or Scouts sections, the player enters the scenario unaware of what to expect. Then, the cutscene itself had a very haphazard storyline, which leaves the player confused and unaware of what is really going on. For future cutscenes, put some more effort into these areas, and your cutscenes well receive far better ratings.
--It is a good cutscene for a first attempt. Every cutscene take time to develop and perfect, and it can hurt for so much effort to get a lower rating than you wanted and expected. What you have to do is take the advice that the reviewers give you, and use it to develop better scenarios in the future. Reviewers put a lot of time and effort into writing one of these reviews, and we do so meticulously. You can choose to take our advice, or to ignore it, but if you accept our advice and learn from it, your future ratings will profit from what we suggest.
--Keep it up. Designing takes a while to perfect, but you can do well if you just keep trying.
--Good luck with future designing.
[Edited on 04/25/09 @ 02:30 PM]