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Age of Kings Heaven » Forums » Town's Crier » The Story of a Supposedly Innocent Princess, her Forbidden Love and a Truly Wickedly Evil Maniac of a Witch
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Topic Subject:The Story of a Supposedly Innocent Princess, her Forbidden Love and a Truly Wickedly Evil Maniac of a Witch
Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 10-31-08 08:31 AM CT (US)         
Believe it or not, this story wasn't actually supposed to be a pro-BDP proapaganda story. That just happened when I realized it could be fun to change element of my propaganda . So, if you have any comments on the actual story, fire away!




The Story of a Supposedly Innocent Princess, her
Forbidden Love and a Truly Wickedly Evil Maniac of a Witch


Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a king called Eddy. Like all kings, he had a beautiful daughter and he was remarried to a nasty wife. The wife’s name in this tale is Ragata. The king’s daughter was called Erik. This because the king, at the daughter’s birth, had mistaken a stump of umbilical cord for something else and named his “son” after his own father, Erik XXVIII. Princess Erik had always hated her name, but because the law clearly stated that anyone named Erik mustn’t change his, or her, name, there was little she could do. She did though prefer to call herself Annie.

As it was in these days, the royals weren’t allowed to communicate the common folks. This because the commons might ask them questions, and answering question was regarded as work, which was strictly limited to the evil ministers. Erik-
    » It’s not Erik, it’s Annie! »
Right, Annie. Annie didn’t care much for these laws and often sneaked out the castle to meet with her secret boyfriend, the filthy blacksmith’s son Brian.
    » Filthy? You know, many commoners in these days actually had better hygiene than their royals. »
Alright, stop correcting me! I’m not the one writing this script! Now, where was I? Her boyfriend, yes. Annie usually sneaked out to her boyfriend Brian, but when the king found out one day, he forbid her to ever meet Brian again. This of course had the opposite effect and Annie decided to run away from home, together with Brian. The last night she sneaked out to him, she brought only the most important things for their little escape…

    » Eighteen pairs of shoes!? An entire wardrobe of dresses!? »
    » You said only the most important. » Annie replied, unaffected of Brian’s surprised look.
    » I meant like personal belongings, family photos or diaries, not a caravan of wagons filled with clothes! »
    » I happened to prioritize clothes quite highly actually. »
    » But did you need to bring carriages? What if the drivers tell the king? »
    » Oh they won’t. »
    » Actually, I was thinking about running straight to king as soon as we got back. » one of the drivers said.
    » WHAT!? »
    » I never really liked you anyway, always looking down on us common workers, making us polish your shoes. Can you imagine how many hours I sat trying to make a pair of wooden clogs shine, only using a brush!? IT HAD THREE STRAWS! »
    » You son of-»
Hey, hey! No swearing, this is supposed to be a children’s fairytale! …again.
    » Annie, hurry, we have to run. » Brian said and grabbed her arm.
    » But what about my luggage? »
    » It’ll have to stay, we have no time! »
    » But… are you going to let them insult me like that? You’re supposed to be my hero! »
    » Hero-work is overrated, come on now! »
    » Just one dress! »
    » No! »
    » I don’t even have my walking shoes! Can you imagine how it hurts to walk in high heels!? »
    » I do, in fact. Don’t ask me how it happened, we’ll talk about that later. »

In the end Brian simply put Annie, who like all princess weighed as much as a feather, on his shoulder and ran for the woods with her screaming for all to hear. Since it wad dark, no moonlight and because Annie kept screaming, they quickly got lost in the deep, dark forest. Eventually, Bart became exhausted from running away, and stopped and put Annie down on the ground again. Naturally, she didn’t stop yelling at him because of this.

    » Look at what you’ve done! We’re lost! It’s all your fault! »
    » Don’t blame me! You’re the one that made them chase us! »
    » Am not! They never started chasing us! »
    » Well they would’ve if we hadn’t started running! »
    » No moron, they probably wouldn’t have alerted the guards if we stayed. It’s a fairytale, nothing really bad can happened to us! »
Actually, she’s right.
    » Stay out of this! » The oh-so irritable fool called Brian said. » And stop portraying me like some sort of idiot. »
But you are.
    » No I’m not» said the man with an IQ he could’ve counted on his fingers, if he could count that is, which he couldn’t. Pathetic really.
    » Lay off it, both of you! Stop acting like children or neither of you will have any food before the next act! »
Yes mother. Erm… right. Where were we? Ah. They’re lost in the woods.
    » Do we even have any food? » Bart asked.
    » I assume you do. »
    » Well I don’t. I thought we were supposed to take a flight to some remote island in the Pacific and live their happily ever after. »
Then suddenly, a strong light from somewhere in the forest caught their attention.
    » How do you think I would afford that? My dad never lets me buy anything myself! »
    » Well it was YOUR idea, you’re the one that wanted to escape. »
Aherm.
    » WHAT!? » Bart yelled.
Pay attention to what’s happening.
    » What? You mean that light? »
Yes.
    » Right, come Annie. Let’s walk towards the light. »

Finally! As they came closer they started to see the contours of a house building up around the light.
    » Let’s walk mindlessly towards the house and hope there’s no evil witch living in there. »
You can see where this is headed can’t you? Very well, the cottage they stood at looked surprisingly inviting so Brian decided to take the risk and ring the door bell. Even though the door bell wasn’t yet invented, the one living in the house seemed to react. An old man with knee-long beard stinking of beer opened.
    » Excuse me» Brian said, » are you going to torture us and eat us alive? »
    » Nope. Wrong address. »
    » Oh, okay thanks. Sorry to bother. »
    » You should try at my neighbor’s though, she’s an old hag. Evil creature she. Ate my dog once. He was never the same after that. »
    » I… see. Thanks for the tip. »
    » No problem lads. »
The old man closed the door and Annie and Brian proceeded to the house next-door. This one was less inviting. It looked like a giant turd with holes in it and with purple smoke coming out of the big hole on the top. Before they even got to ring the inexistent door bell, the door swung open. The ugly witch on the other side looked at them with a big, disgusting grin on her face.
    » Ah, welcome children! Come on in, come on in! » she screeched and dragged them both in before they got time to react. The house stunk of what the outside had looked like and the inside looked spookily much like Hiroshima in late 1945.
    » Welcome to my humble cottage children. Make yourself at home and I’ll get you something to eat. »
    » Can we skip to the crucial part? »
    » What part? »
    » The part where you eat us alive. »
    » Eat you!? » the witch said. »Who said I anything about eating people? »
    » Evil witches in cottages always do. Come on, I’m tired of this story. »
    » Oh no, I ain’t gonna eat you. »
    » Why? »
    » I’m vegetarian. »
    » Vegetarian? »
    » Yes. »
    » What sort of evil witch are you!? » Brian said, frightened.
    » I’m not evil, evilness is overrated. »
    » Being vegetarian is a new level of evil! What are you doing in a children’s fairytale!? » Annie said, also with a frightened face.
    » Right, I’m, sick of this. From now on, we’re the evil characters in this story. » Brian said.
    » What? But…»
    » Which gives us a perfect reason to kill you. »
    » What!? I didn’t do anything! »
    » Well, you exist, and we’re evil, which means we at least have to try to kill you once. »
    » That doesn’t make sense! » the witch screeched.
    » It’s a fairytale for Lance’s sake! Fairytales DON’T make sense! » Annie said
    » But this is unfair! Here I am, trying to be a nice witch for once, and you stumble over my doorstep and decide to kill me! »
    » Shit happens. » Brian said, and both he and Annie pushed the witch into the soup boiling over the fireplace. Like witches tend to do, she melted into a disgusting good and mixed with the soup. This caused some randomly terrifying chemical reactions to occur, which made the soup explode. Since Annie and Brian had resigned as main protagonists, they too died in the explosion, and got what they wanted; an end to the story.

THE END!



THE MORAL: Life sucks when you're vegetarian.

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OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
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The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
AuthorReplies:
Andalus
Squire
posted 10-31-08 08:39 AM CT (US)     1 / 14       
I have a friend who just left PETA and started eating meat. I expect she just got tired of life sucking. And of me teasing her with pictures of animal cruelty.
morgoth bauglir
Squire
posted 10-31-08 10:43 AM CT (US)     2 / 14       
Eating meat is what made our brains grow in the first place...

Morgoth Bauglir/Quaazi - BORINGMETAL HEADTWAT
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Evil Tailor
Squire
(id: Other White Meat)
posted 10-31-08 11:39 AM CT (US)     3 / 14       
I sympathise vegetarianism and even veganism, because it takes a lot of self-control to achieve either. In the modern western society we don't need much meat anyway since we can get all the needed nutrition in a vegetarian diet. The problem with veganism is, you don't even know if things you use are somehow made of animals or using animals. Technically petrol is made of animals, only animals that died a few million years ago. Like, most people know gelatin is made of animals, I don't know how or which animals but anyway. If SWEETS have animal in them, then how can we know what else does?!

I don't think eating meat is inherently wrong but a lot of people could really eat less meat, like myself. Instead, doctors nowadays advise you to eat fish (at least?) two times per week as they have... something. That's good. For health?

I find the topic of nutrition far more interesting than the above story, so, er, I'll just read it to pretend I contributed to the actual topic?

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Gwame
Squire
posted 10-31-08 01:37 PM CT (US)     4 / 14       
Fish is meat. I've never really understood vegetarians who eat fish, unless of course the vegetarianism is for dietary purposes, rather than for moral reasons.

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Powery
Squire
posted 10-31-08 02:44 PM CT (US)     5 / 14       
Plants are living beings same way as animals.
What's the point in opposing hurting and killing animals but at the same time consuming vegetables twice as much.

Is it like animals are more important for some reason that doesn't actually exist. In fact, plants are more vital for life on Earth than animals are.

Maybe it's because plants don't scream like animals do when you cut a branch so no one thinks that it matters. But when you cut a leg of some animal, some wannalove nature teen girl: "Oh that's horrible!"

So if you're protesting hurting all living beings (why just animals when you could protect everything) you would have to protest against wooden houses, papers, alot of stuff and I don't see any point in that.

It's just the fact of life that kill and survive, or don't and die. Well, you can have other people kill living beings for you to eat but they are killed anyway so what does it matter.
Killing is ok as long as you do it for your own needs.

Vegetarians should be dumped into a quagmire because they are one of the many totally pointless things there are.

[This message has been edited by Powery (edited 10-31-2008 @ 02:47 PM).]

Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 10-31-08 04:12 PM CT (US)     6 / 14       
I'm not negative against people being vegetarian or vegan, although the arguments they use are quite illogical or only partly true, but I can't imagine myself ever being one. Meat makes some of the most delicious dishes there are. As long as someone doesn't try to force me to be vegetarian as well, I don't mind if they are, but I can't sympathize with their opinions.

Now, the vegetarian-carnivor debate can continue, but please comment on the story itself as well

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The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
______________________________________________________________________________ |__ _ |¯|____|_______________________________________________________________________________
The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
morgoth bauglir
Squire
posted 10-31-08 04:29 PM CT (US)     7 / 14       
Fish is meat. I've never really understood vegetarians who eat fish, unless of course the vegetarianism is for dietary purposes, rather than for moral reasons.
Fish aren't cute nor are they humanoid enough. Therefore they can be eaten.

A pig has legs and a face. Therefore, it can't be eaten.

Morgoth Bauglir/Quaazi - BORINGMETAL HEADTWAT
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Cobra the Mediocre
Squire
(id: The_Cobra_81)
posted 10-31-08 05:29 PM CT (US)     8 / 14       
Will this be an ongoing series, Cherub Basse? I didn't think much of these at first but they're really growing on me.
Instead, doctors nowadays advise you to eat fish (at least?) two times per week as they have... something. That's good. For health?
That'd be tasty minerals like mercury and cadmium. Living near Lake Erie for years has taught me that.
Maybe it's because plants don't scream like animals do when you cut a branch so no one thinks that it matters.
Ironic part? Plants feel pain. Or, at the very least, have specific reactions to being damaged, at least equivalent to those experienced by, say, boiling lobsters.
So if you're protesting hurting all living beings (why just animals when you could protect everything)
Meet the Jains.

Cobra the Mediocre
SteadilY working up to Average
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 10-31-08 05:37 PM CT (US)     9 / 14       
Will this be an ongoing series, Cherub Basse? I didn't think much of these at first but they're really growing on me
I might sure be, if I come up with more ideas. After Lance Buckload, I had no intention of continuing this, but if I keep getting these kicks of inspiration, this sure might go on for a while

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The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
______________________________________________________________________________ |__ _ |¯|____|_______________________________________________________________________________
The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
Constantine12
Squire
posted 11-01-08 05:44 AM CT (US)     10 / 14       
Nice work, great to see the saga continued!
Emperor Alexander
Squire
(id: Alex Coles)
posted 11-01-08 06:39 AM CT (US)     11 / 14       
Loved the story Basse. Maybe you should eventually compile them all in to ... something.

"...there's a difference between offering constructive criticism and going out of your way to be a dick." - Aro
Powery
Squire
posted 11-01-08 06:58 AM CT (US)     12 / 14       
Meet the Jains.
Apparently they still harm plants and insects because they have lower senses and it doesn't cause so much karma.

And they will have to eat too, yaknow.
Ilmarinen
Squire
(id: Cilibinarii)
posted 11-01-08 01:01 PM CT (US)     13 / 14       
Basse, your stories are quite retarded, you know?
'The Story of a Supposedly Innocent Princess, her Forbidden Love and a Truly Wickedly Evil Maniac of a Witch'
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WHAT THE HELL XD

Cilibinarii
My AOK Maps
Constantine12
Squire
posted 11-01-08 02:46 PM CT (US)     14 / 14       
It's called sarcasm, effectively used by many an author.
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