As per the title, I'm sure all of you know that I am currently slightly over-inebriated right now... I've been binge watching king of the hill because that crap is the most hilarious and simultaneously relatable show that has ever existed. I desire to be Hank. Hank is my ideal, if I could ever become as enthusiastic about anything as he is enthusiastic about propane, I would be happy in life. Or something like that, IDK.
I went to the bathroom then I came back, and I saw in the left hand corner of my screen a little semi-yellow notification, I was super excited because I just messaged my friend Seb. I am inebriated, so I want to talk to him. But the worst of the worst happened. The most terrible of the terrible! It was just a steam update which saddened me so much. I want to talk to him now, I feel like that would be a good thing. Seb is the embodiment of a NEET. He didn't do jack sh*t after high school. He just lived at his parents house and browsed 4chan for all I assume afterwords. But that's ok. I would be just like him if it weren't for the stuff I had to go through. At least he has a job now. Or, at least, the last time I talked to him he said he was working at some fast food place. I think his mom, maybe dad is forcing him to work there or else they won't let him live at their house. I haven't talked to him for so long, I want to talk to him. YOu know, in theory I should be happier than him, cuz you know I'm getting a degree in Chemical Engineering, which should theoretically be better than what he is doing. But I think I feel emotionally the same way he does. Sad and desperate for people to like me. But I don't know about him for a fact, I haven't talked to him in a while. I haven't talked to him for probably six months, even though he is so similar to me I consider him a friend. Both of us don't really value other people other than what they bring to us, it's awful, but we were both born that way. He only cares about me for what I bring to him. That's good. And even though I'm awful in that way I value him. But I want him to think I'm cool and good. So I make him think that I'm the most go hard party drinker ever. He thinks that I have had sex with two different Asian women just casually. But that's not true, I just said that because for whatever reason I wanted him to think that of me. Probably because he said he thinks Asians are hot, whatever.
You know whats weird? Even though I am drunk, I still use the correct pronoun for anunkown gender "they" when refering to Seb's parents.
It's weird cuz in this drunken state I feel like I can describe my life a hell of a lot more than I can describe anything when I am sober. When I am sober at some point it feels like a chore and I start to not want to do it anymore, but when I am inebriated I can talk and talk and talk and talk on and on and on. I have described my relationship with Seb in quite a lot of detail, but I don't feel like from it you guys will fully understand what has happened between us. There is so much, so very very much and I could go on to explain it all, just because I have been drinking. But I couldn't do that normally.
I have been drinking Redd's Apple Ale tonight. I am a really big fan of hard cider. Well..., not a huuuuuuuuge fan, like Trump is a fan of trade deals, but a fan of it. The first time I really drank alcohol because I wanted to get drunk was cider. My dad bought it for me. I think that was during the end of High School or at the beginning of college. Anyways, I've liked cider since then. It's just such a good taste. I like beer too, my dad is a really big beer fanatic, so of course unfortunately I am too. I like yuengling, although it isn't quite the best. It's at the liquor store i buy from(they barely care about ID's LOL!) so I like that. But there isn't much better there. My dad brews beer however, so I drink his stuff. He claims he could make award winning beer but I doubt it. He also claims he is a great cook, but I know for a fact, FOR A FACT, that he is only an ok cook at best. He smuthers his food in too much oil when cooking it. And he doesn't even try to use any interesting/fancy techniques when cooking. So why should I believe anything he says about making beer? I shouldn't! And I know I shouldn't. But I do like the beer he makes. It's kinda fruity, and that sits well with me. He calls it marzopian or something. I know there is a m followed by a rhotic, followed by a voiced alveolar fricative. But I can't remember the name for sure now, especially since I am inebriated. But I'm sure someone will figure it out.
There's this girl I'm going to talk to tomorrow. I made a drunk promise that I would talk to her tomorrow, hopefully I keep it. I think she would be into me if I made it clear that I was into her. I made a plan and everything to make it seem all cute and such. Tomorrow I will text her saying, hey I just realized I haven't said anything since I got your number, so this is just me saying hey. Since she will probably think that is cute I will respond. We might text back and forth a bit, maybe I'll ask for her snapchat, whatever. But then I'll invite her to a snowball fight. Tomorrow everything is closed on campus due to snow. I might not ask her to fight with snow directly but something along those lines, and maybe she will be awesome with that. And when we are together, sometime after everything is done, I will just say to her face, hey, I'm into you, do you want to go on a real date sometime. And that is about the cutest thing ever, or at leas that's what I perceive girls to think is cute. She will say yes, and then I will have a relationship, which is good. I want to be in a relationship with this girl, albeit I don't like her super much like someone would idealize a crush. I would significantly like someone who is of my own race(although I think that will never happen and should never happen and pursuing is will only make my depression worse). But I think I'll feel better with her. Having a steady supply of sex and emotional support is a good thing in life. And sure, even though I don't value her intensely like I value someone I might love, I'll still be happier with her than without. I just really want to cuddle with someone. The #1 thing I want in life is to be able to hold someone and feel ok with them. Although this woman isn't the best I could have, it might be ok.
Being drunk is a beautiful thing.
I've been here since 2011. That's been 6 years. 6. Freakin. Years. That's almost a third of my life. Well maybe a little less than half. And yet I've always felt disconnected, yet simultaneous in sync with everyone else here. The average person I know doesn't like me. And the average person here doesn't like me. I try to stay away from here for my own mental health, but I can't because I am an addict to the internet. Because I am an addict to you. And I'll never become able to focus solely on my studies like people others on this website. I tried to rebrand myself as Titanking once, because I felt like if I kept all of my mannerisms, but used a different account, people would like me more, and I was partially right. I do that everyday, I pretend to be someone I am not just so that I others opinions of me validate me more. But I'm still just a bad human being. And the average person knows that, in real life and here. I hope heavengames stays up until I die. You know how good I felt about myself when that newer version of AOKH, I think it was called Age of Kings online came out and when I made a comment on it's forum, "I"m just here for the lulz" and everyone agreed with me? It was really good and heartfelt. I don't think I've come close to it since then. Just moderately approaching something like it.
BUt whatever. I'm DRUNK. DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUnk. And I'm going to sleep now. Maybe I'll value this as being truely me in the mourning, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll piss myself when sleeping tonight, who knows. Whatever. My life is the most awesome terrible thing in existence. And I can't find the last drunken thing I wrote down. Maybe I'll tear up. Just, IDK, find me SSRIs ok?
Life is bleak
My memes are bleak
Once upon a time
I ate a lime
I went to the bathroom then I came back, and I saw in the left hand corner of my screen a little semi-yellow notification, I was super excited because I just messaged my friend Seb. I am inebriated, so I want to talk to him. But the worst of the worst happened. The most terrible of the terrible! It was just a steam update which saddened me so much. I want to talk to him now, I feel like that would be a good thing. Seb is the embodiment of a NEET. He didn't do jack sh*t after high school. He just lived at his parents house and browsed 4chan for all I assume afterwords. But that's ok. I would be just like him if it weren't for the stuff I had to go through. At least he has a job now. Or, at least, the last time I talked to him he said he was working at some fast food place. I think his mom, maybe dad is forcing him to work there or else they won't let him live at their house. I haven't talked to him for so long, I want to talk to him. YOu know, in theory I should be happier than him, cuz you know I'm getting a degree in Chemical Engineering, which should theoretically be better than what he is doing. But I think I feel emotionally the same way he does. Sad and desperate for people to like me. But I don't know about him for a fact, I haven't talked to him in a while. I haven't talked to him for probably six months, even though he is so similar to me I consider him a friend. Both of us don't really value other people other than what they bring to us, it's awful, but we were both born that way. He only cares about me for what I bring to him. That's good. And even though I'm awful in that way I value him. But I want him to think I'm cool and good. So I make him think that I'm the most go hard party drinker ever. He thinks that I have had sex with two different Asian women just casually. But that's not true, I just said that because for whatever reason I wanted him to think that of me. Probably because he said he thinks Asians are hot, whatever.
You know whats weird? Even though I am drunk, I still use the correct pronoun for anunkown gender "they" when refering to Seb's parents.
It's weird cuz in this drunken state I feel like I can describe my life a hell of a lot more than I can describe anything when I am sober. When I am sober at some point it feels like a chore and I start to not want to do it anymore, but when I am inebriated I can talk and talk and talk and talk on and on and on. I have described my relationship with Seb in quite a lot of detail, but I don't feel like from it you guys will fully understand what has happened between us. There is so much, so very very much and I could go on to explain it all, just because I have been drinking. But I couldn't do that normally.
I have been drinking Redd's Apple Ale tonight. I am a really big fan of hard cider. Well..., not a huuuuuuuuge fan, like Trump is a fan of trade deals, but a fan of it. The first time I really drank alcohol because I wanted to get drunk was cider. My dad bought it for me. I think that was during the end of High School or at the beginning of college. Anyways, I've liked cider since then. It's just such a good taste. I like beer too, my dad is a really big beer fanatic, so of course unfortunately I am too. I like yuengling, although it isn't quite the best. It's at the liquor store i buy from(they barely care about ID's LOL!) so I like that. But there isn't much better there. My dad brews beer however, so I drink his stuff. He claims he could make award winning beer but I doubt it. He also claims he is a great cook, but I know for a fact, FOR A FACT, that he is only an ok cook at best. He smuthers his food in too much oil when cooking it. And he doesn't even try to use any interesting/fancy techniques when cooking. So why should I believe anything he says about making beer? I shouldn't! And I know I shouldn't. But I do like the beer he makes. It's kinda fruity, and that sits well with me. He calls it marzopian or something. I know there is a m followed by a rhotic, followed by a voiced alveolar fricative. But I can't remember the name for sure now, especially since I am inebriated. But I'm sure someone will figure it out.
There's this girl I'm going to talk to tomorrow. I made a drunk promise that I would talk to her tomorrow, hopefully I keep it. I think she would be into me if I made it clear that I was into her. I made a plan and everything to make it seem all cute and such. Tomorrow I will text her saying, hey I just realized I haven't said anything since I got your number, so this is just me saying hey. Since she will probably think that is cute I will respond. We might text back and forth a bit, maybe I'll ask for her snapchat, whatever. But then I'll invite her to a snowball fight. Tomorrow everything is closed on campus due to snow. I might not ask her to fight with snow directly but something along those lines, and maybe she will be awesome with that. And when we are together, sometime after everything is done, I will just say to her face, hey, I'm into you, do you want to go on a real date sometime. And that is about the cutest thing ever, or at leas that's what I perceive girls to think is cute. She will say yes, and then I will have a relationship, which is good. I want to be in a relationship with this girl, albeit I don't like her super much like someone would idealize a crush. I would significantly like someone who is of my own race(although I think that will never happen and should never happen and pursuing is will only make my depression worse). But I think I'll feel better with her. Having a steady supply of sex and emotional support is a good thing in life. And sure, even though I don't value her intensely like I value someone I might love, I'll still be happier with her than without. I just really want to cuddle with someone. The #1 thing I want in life is to be able to hold someone and feel ok with them. Although this woman isn't the best I could have, it might be ok.
Being drunk is a beautiful thing.
I've been here since 2011. That's been 6 years. 6. Freakin. Years. That's almost a third of my life. Well maybe a little less than half. And yet I've always felt disconnected, yet simultaneous in sync with everyone else here. The average person I know doesn't like me. And the average person here doesn't like me. I try to stay away from here for my own mental health, but I can't because I am an addict to the internet. Because I am an addict to you. And I'll never become able to focus solely on my studies like people others on this website. I tried to rebrand myself as Titanking once, because I felt like if I kept all of my mannerisms, but used a different account, people would like me more, and I was partially right. I do that everyday, I pretend to be someone I am not just so that I others opinions of me validate me more. But I'm still just a bad human being. And the average person knows that, in real life and here. I hope heavengames stays up until I die. You know how good I felt about myself when that newer version of AOKH, I think it was called Age of Kings online came out and when I made a comment on it's forum, "I"m just here for the lulz" and everyone agreed with me? It was really good and heartfelt. I don't think I've come close to it since then. Just moderately approaching something like it.
BUt whatever. I'm DRUNK. DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUnk. And I'm going to sleep now. Maybe I'll value this as being truely me in the mourning, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll piss myself when sleeping tonight, who knows. Whatever. My life is the most awesome terrible thing in existence. And I can't find the last drunken thing I wrote down. Maybe I'll tear up. Just, IDK, find me SSRIs ok?
My memes are bleak
Once upon a time
I ate a lime