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Age of Kings Heaven » Forums » Town's Crier » AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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Topic Subject:AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 06-17-17 06:07 AM CT (US)         
Excellent news! My herpes is in remission THE 2017 AOKH WRITING CONTEST IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.



I can hardly believe we're halfway through 2017. Sadly, I have to, because it's true whether I believe it or not.

HeavenGames is twenty years old, and the franchise we're posting on isn't much younger. Why are we all still here? What keeps us attached to this site? Something positive, like the friendships we made along the way? Or something negative...perhaps that we can't leave the past behind?

Whatever the reason, I've noticed a trend in the stories submitted to the six prior editions of this contest. They're the work of extreme minds. Let's face it, we're abnormal people, and this results in fiction that, although often unpolished and lacking in technical direction, is almost never boring. I hope that this trend will continue.

What am I writing? A work of fiction, up to ten thousand words in length.

How long do I have? Three months. Submissions close on 15/9, EST.

What's the prize? $100.00AUD, payable through Paypal or bitcoin. This currently works out to around $75USD.

Who do I submit it to? To me, at . Your story should be in .doc, .docx, .odt, or .pdf format.

What are the other rules? Story must be 1) in English, and 2) yours. We expect material that would not be in breach of the forum Code of Conduct.

Meet the Judges!

Donald J Trump is a real estate developer, TV personality, and the 45th President of the United States. Mr Trump is a passionate fan of literature - don't tell anyone, but he's been known to accidentally return the country's nuclear codes to the library instead of Finnegans Wake! Dennis Rader has been dubbed The BTK Killer by the press, but don't let that fool you, BTK actually stands for Breakin' Down, Textualizin', an' Kritiquin' Yer Story. He values education and is eager to help us learn. Plus I offered him 2 more cents an hour than he earns stamping plates at the prison shop. Did you know that Clippy is a woman? "I didn't know a paperclip could have female anatomical parts!" Yeah, you and her last boyfriend both. Since leaving Microsoft, Clippy has hit the lecture circuit, delivering talks such as Sexual Liberation for Office Equipment and You Look Like You Need Help Finding Your Partner's Cliporis.

How the Judging Works


In past contests, you were scored out of a potential 50 points (25 for Technical Proficiency and 25 for Literary Content), the three scores would be added, the highest score would win, and you'd celebrate and break your 12 drink maximum like you do pretty much every night but now you have an excuse god damn it.

Things have changed.

We are trying a new system this year. All three of the judges will read your stories. They will then produce an ordered ranking of the stories, from best to worst, and submit it to me. Then I will add the numbers, and the lowest score will win.

Confused? Suppose we get five submissions...

Les Chants de Maldoror by Comte de Lautréamont
Cujo by Stephen King
Diary of my Lower Bowel Health (vol 1 of 18) by Lord_Fadawah
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

...And the judges produce the following rankings of these submissions.

Donald Trump Dennis Rader Clippy
1. Oliver Twist
2. Cujo
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Gone Girl
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
1. Oliver Twist
2. Gone Girl
3. Cujo
4. Les Chants de Maldoror
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
1. Cujo
2. Oliver Twist
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
5. Gone Girl


I add them, and we get the final score (remember, lower is better!)

1. Oliver Twist - 4pts
2. Cujo - 6pts
3. Les Chants de Maldoror - 10pts
4. Gone Girl - 11pts
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health - 14pts

This method will potentially produce a tie. If Oliver Twist gets two 1s and a 4 & Cujo gets three 2s, they will both have 6pts. If this happens, a tiebreaker vote will be conducted among the three judges.

I give the judges free rein in ranking the stories. They might enjoy technique and sliding perspective and iambic pentameter. They might try to look past the text and see the story within. They might get angry if your blow-by-blow bowel movement diary ends at a critical point. They might not even really be judging the contest at all. Assume they will be harsh but fair. Additionally, commentary will be provided - the judges will explain why they placed each story the way they did.

Previous Writing Competitions:


Popeychops: 2016
Popeychops: 2015
CarolKarine: 2013
Leif Ericson: 2012
sly_guy: 2010
Scud: 2008

[This message has been edited by MawBTS (edited 06-21-2017 @ 01:21 AM).]

AuthorReplies:
Major Helper
AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
posted 10-05-17 08:49 AM CT (US)     101 / 109       
My guess on Shaw is that it's Moff or a collaboration where Moff took part purely because of that Russian (or whatever it was) part at the end

_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
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Uchuu Senkan Yamoffo
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 10-05-17 08:55 AM CT (US)     102 / 109       
I am deeply morally and ethically opposed to getting credit to things I didn't do. I sent nothing and collaborated on nothing, to my shame.

So next year, I'll just have to submit two entries.

New RPG Coming Soon | Purveyor of the Poi | Weeaboo Brony Conserative - The Ultimate Foe to the Internet
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
"Moff's anime diatribes/photos are infinitely less annoying than legion's communism, so I don't complain." - Azzie, proving that cute girls driving tanks >> Left-wing ideology
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 10-05-17 08:00 PM CT (US)     103 / 109       
I am deeply morally and ethically opposed to getting credit to things I didn't do. I sent nothing and collaborated on nothing, to my shame.
You can still submit, you just won't win any money.

You'll win a special prize: a random file from my hard drive.

I'm completely serious: if you submit, I will email you a random file from my hard drive. Most likely, it'll be some useless .dll or system file. Or it could be the key to my bitcoin wallet. Do you feel lucky?
Mr Wednesday
Cavalier
(id: matty12345)
posted 10-06-17 10:09 AM CT (US)     104 / 109       
All three entries are excellent, at a higher level than usual.

But Boris and I is genius.

"And Matt is a prolific lurker, watching over the forum from afar in silence, like Batman. He's the president TC needs, and possibly also the one it deserves." - trebuchet king
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 10-08-17 04:41 AM CT (US)     105 / 109       
I'm slightly surprised that nobody picked up on the theme of depression and mental health in Left Behind. One of the judges described the protagonist as the "rogue cop who gets stuff done" trope, when that wasn't really what I was going for. Tristan is supposed to just be a man struggling to cope with the death of his sister.

That was why I went with the "author's voice" throughout, with a disjointed ending.

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile

[This message has been edited by Popeychops (edited 10-08-2017 @ 04:43 AM).]

Lord Sipia
Knight
posted 10-08-17 05:52 AM CT (US)     106 / 109       
Well, as they say, the death of the author is the birth of the reader. If there's anything my (very limited) experience as a writer has taught me, it's that your audience can find ways to read complex and insightful meaning from even the smallest detail and yet miss what you thought was the obvious intended meaning.

One of the first things we were instructed in reading literature class it's that there's always a discrepancy between what the author wrote and what the author thinks they wrote. Many have argued that this ambiguity allowing for different audience interpretations is essential to writing as an art form.

"You can't open up the story of my life and just go to page 738 and think you know me."
--Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson (on judging people by their Google search history)

"It's hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty."
--Dan "Danny Sexbang" Avidan
local boi
Squire
(id: dragon14)
posted 10-10-17 10:16 PM CT (US)     107 / 109       
We write stories?

--
This is the story of 2k5. A legendary warrior fought neck and neck with another almost legendary warrior, even till it was late at night. He would become more than a legend.. more than 2k5.. he would become 2k6.

Then he resigned. The second time did not go so well either, and he resigned again. The third time, there was a great badaboom. His many archer and crossbowmen had walked deep into enemy territory. But as he looked away, a terrible fate befell these men - MANGONEL took them down in two blows. 'gg'. The fourth time, they fought. It was neck and neck, but then, as if by foresight, three MANGONELS exploded a formation of passing horse archers. Things were looking bad for the dream of becoming a super legend. But, a new legend was born.

CONGRATS MBL ON REACHING 2k5

USA
katsup or mustard

[This message has been edited by local boi (edited 10-10-2017 @ 10:17 PM).]

Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 10-11-17 01:00 PM CT (US)     108 / 109       
Any chance of getting to read the other entries?

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The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
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The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 10-22-17 05:16 AM CT (US)     109 / 109       
Oh, er, hey, remember this?

I forgot to upload the stories.

Boris and I by Raymond Shaw

Agartha by Lord Basse

Left Behind by Popeychops


Sorry, everyone!
Any chance of getting to read the other entries?
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