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Age of Kings Heaven » Forums » Town's Crier » AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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Topic Subject:AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 06-17-17 06:07 AM CT (US)         
Excellent news! My herpes is in remission THE 2017 AOKH WRITING CONTEST IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.



I can hardly believe we're halfway through 2017. Sadly, I have to, because it's true whether I believe it or not.

HeavenGames is twenty years old, and the franchise we're posting on isn't much younger. Why are we all still here? What keeps us attached to this site? Something positive, like the friendships we made along the way? Or something negative...perhaps that we can't leave the past behind?

Whatever the reason, I've noticed a trend in the stories submitted to the six prior editions of this contest. They're the work of extreme minds. Let's face it, we're abnormal people, and this results in fiction that, although often unpolished and lacking in technical direction, is almost never boring. I hope that this trend will continue.

What am I writing? A work of fiction, up to ten thousand words in length.

How long do I have? Three months. Submissions close on 15/9, EST.

What's the prize? $100.00AUD, payable through Paypal or bitcoin. This currently works out to around $75USD.

Who do I submit it to? To me, at . Your story should be in .doc, .docx, .odt, or .pdf format.

What are the other rules? Story must be 1) in English, and 2) yours. We expect material that would not be in breach of the forum Code of Conduct.

Meet the Judges!

Donald J Trump is a real estate developer, TV personality, and the 45th President of the United States. Mr Trump is a passionate fan of literature - don't tell anyone, but he's been known to accidentally return the country's nuclear codes to the library instead of Finnegans Wake! Dennis Rader has been dubbed The BTK Killer by the press, but don't let that fool you, BTK actually stands for Breakin' Down, Textualizin', an' Kritiquin' Yer Story. He values education and is eager to help us learn. Plus I offered him 2 more cents an hour than he earns stamping plates at the prison shop. Did you know that Clippy is a woman? "I didn't know a paperclip could have female anatomical parts!" Yeah, you and her last boyfriend both. Since leaving Microsoft, Clippy has hit the lecture circuit, delivering talks such as Sexual Liberation for Office Equipment and You Look Like You Need Help Finding Your Partner's Cliporis.

How the Judging Works


In past contests, you were scored out of a potential 50 points (25 for Technical Proficiency and 25 for Literary Content), the three scores would be added, the highest score would win, and you'd celebrate and break your 12 drink maximum like you do pretty much every night but now you have an excuse god damn it.

Things have changed.

We are trying a new system this year. All three of the judges will read your stories. They will then produce an ordered ranking of the stories, from best to worst, and submit it to me. Then I will add the numbers, and the lowest score will win.

Confused? Suppose we get five submissions...

Les Chants de Maldoror by Comte de Lautréamont
Cujo by Stephen King
Diary of my Lower Bowel Health (vol 1 of 18) by Lord_Fadawah
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

...And the judges produce the following rankings of these submissions.

Donald Trump Dennis Rader Clippy
1. Oliver Twist
2. Cujo
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Gone Girl
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
1. Oliver Twist
2. Gone Girl
3. Cujo
4. Les Chants de Maldoror
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
1. Cujo
2. Oliver Twist
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
5. Gone Girl


I add them, and we get the final score (remember, lower is better!)

1. Oliver Twist - 4pts
2. Cujo - 6pts
3. Les Chants de Maldoror - 10pts
4. Gone Girl - 11pts
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health - 14pts

This method will potentially produce a tie. If Oliver Twist gets two 1s and a 4 & Cujo gets three 2s, they will both have 6pts. If this happens, a tiebreaker vote will be conducted among the three judges.

I give the judges free rein in ranking the stories. They might enjoy technique and sliding perspective and iambic pentameter. They might try to look past the text and see the story within. They might get angry if your blow-by-blow bowel movement diary ends at a critical point. They might not even really be judging the contest at all. Assume they will be harsh but fair. Additionally, commentary will be provided - the judges will explain why they placed each story the way they did.

Previous Writing Competitions:


Popeychops: 2016
Popeychops: 2015
CarolKarine: 2013
Leif Ericson: 2012
sly_guy: 2010
Scud: 2008

[This message has been edited by MawBTS (edited 06-21-2017 @ 01:21 AM).]

AuthorReplies:
ax_man1
Squire
posted 06-23-17 11:18 AM CT (US)     51 / 109       
How are you typing 800 words in five minutes?

ax_man1

Owner of a post 500, 1000, 1500, 2000, and 2500
Not all are in the same thread, but 4 of them are
Vinyl
Banned
posted 06-23-17 11:27 AM CT (US)     52 / 109       
Refreshing on the timer. More interested in the non typing timer
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 07-17-17 01:44 PM CT (US)     53 / 109       
Anyone else dreading returning to their first 1000 words? :/

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 07-18-17 08:14 PM CT (US)     54 / 109       
Less than two months to go! How's everyone going?
Anyone else dreading returning to their first 1000 words? :/
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 07-19-17 04:13 AM CT (US)     55 / 109       
😂😂😂

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 07-19-17 02:53 PM CT (US)     56 / 109       
I've actually finished the first draft of my submission and would like everyone to give feedback:

Little dog
Busy street
Passing car
Sausage meat

Please and thank you.

Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Lord Sipia
Knight
posted 07-19-17 03:28 PM CT (US)     57 / 109       
tl;dr

"You can't open up the story of my life and just go to page 738 and think you know me."
--Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson (on judging people by their Google search history)

"It's hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty."
--Dan "Danny Sexbang" Avidan
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 07-19-17 05:49 PM CT (US)     58 / 109       
Yeah I hate it when writers get too high-flown and philosophical.
Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 07-19-17 06:29 PM CT (US)     59 / 109       
I have my entry basically mapped out in a draft I wrote some months ago, but I've yet to start translating into something legible. My vacation's coming up though, so I'm pretty hopeful that I'll be able to finish!

__[]_________
|||||||||||||||||
The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
______________________________________________________________________________ |__ _ |¯|____|_______________________________________________________________________________
The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
Uchuu Senkan Yamoffo
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 07-19-17 06:35 PM CT (US)     60 / 109       
I did have an idea for an actual story (besides anime battleship romance)... dunno if I can get it done in time, but I'll try. Now that I'm on a paid research assistant position, I suddenly find working more... appealing. Takes much time.

Or I'll just submit the battleship romance. We'll see!

New RPG Coming Soon | Purveyor of the Poi | Weeaboo Brony Conserative - The Ultimate Foe to the Internet
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
"Moff's anime diatribes/photos are infinitely less annoying than legion's communism, so I don't complain." - Azzie, proving that cute girls driving tanks >> Left-wing ideology
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 08-11-17 06:23 AM CT (US)     61 / 109       
Almost in the final month

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 08-21-17 06:46 PM CT (US)     62 / 109       
Yeah, not looking too great at the moment.
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 08-21-17 07:21 PM CT (US)     63 / 109       
I imagine my entry might become a lot shorter.

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 08-21-17 08:18 PM CT (US)     64 / 109       
My PTC entry has consumed most of my time recently. Now that it's done I will be focusing on getting my story written. One way or another I will get something done by the deadline, so there will be at least one contestant.

__[]_________
|||||||||||||||||
The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
______________________________________________________________________________ |__ _ |¯|____|_______________________________________________________________________________
The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 95,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 09-05-17 05:14 AM CT (US)     65 / 109       

Ten days remaining.


Just think! If you write a thousand words today, then a thousand words tomorrow, then so on, you'll have a lot of words by 15/9! I'll need to check my math, but it could be as many as ten thousand! Perhaps when someone reads all those words from end to end, they'll think it's a "short story"! Maybe you'll submit then to a certain "short story" contest and win "cash money"! Maybe you'll then take your "cash money" and use it to "make it rain" at the nearest "den of iniquity"! Possibilities!

Please hurry before I lose one of my judges to impeachment.
Uchuu Senkan Yamoffo
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 09-05-17 12:48 PM CT (US)     66 / 109       
A thousand pages of sweet battleship love... a day? O_O

Nah, I'll just work on my thesis instead. You guys can read that. Because everyone loves chemistry dissertations.

New RPG Coming Soon | Purveyor of the Poi | Weeaboo Brony Conserative - The Ultimate Foe to the Internet
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
"Moff's anime diatribes/photos are infinitely less annoying than legion's communism, so I don't complain." - Azzie, proving that cute girls driving tanks >> Left-wing ideology
Lord Sipia
Knight
posted 09-05-17 01:54 PM CT (US)     67 / 109       
...Yeah, I never got anywhere. I had an idea, but I just couldn't make it work the way I wanted it to. I'll just have to do better next time.

"You can't open up the story of my life and just go to page 738 and think you know me."
--Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson (on judging people by their Google search history)

"It's hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty."
--Dan "Danny Sexbang" Avidan
Uchuu Senkan Yamoffo
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 09-05-17 02:38 PM CT (US)     68 / 109       
We should team up to make a rushed, hack job. It may lose the contest... but it'll be the next big Hollywood franchise. <_<

New RPG Coming Soon | Purveyor of the Poi | Weeaboo Brony Conserative - The Ultimate Foe to the Internet
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
"Moff's anime diatribes/photos are infinitely less annoying than legion's communism, so I don't complain." - Azzie, proving that cute girls driving tanks >> Left-wing ideology
Lord Sipia
Knight
posted 09-05-17 02:47 PM CT (US)     69 / 109       
...Ah, shame. We'd need to sell our souls to the devil for that and, well, I already owe him about five.

"You can't open up the story of my life and just go to page 738 and think you know me."
--Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson (on judging people by their Google search history)

"It's hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty."
--Dan "Danny Sexbang" Avidan
Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 09-06-17 01:18 AM CT (US)     70 / 109       
We should team up to make a rushed, hack job. It may lose the contest... but it'll be the next big Hollywood franchise. <_<
I'm totally down to word vomit 7,000 words if you'll cover the other 3,000. There's no way this can fail.

Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 09-06-17 05:56 AM CT (US)     71 / 109       
I've got the 3000 down, need to vomit the last 7

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 09-07-17 04:50 AM CT (US)     72 / 109       
If you guys are working on a collaborative story, I'd like to contribute too.

"Feather-footed through the plashy fen passes the questing vole."

Please insert this somewhere into the text. Thank you.
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 09-12-17 04:13 PM CT (US)     73 / 109       
What time is the deadline on Friday?

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 09-13-17 05:03 AM CT (US)     74 / 109       
What time is the deadline on Friday?
11:59pm on Friday the 15th, Eastern Time (UTC -5:00).
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 09-13-17 05:12 AM CT (US)     75 / 109       
Fantastic, Friday can be a writing day!

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
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