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Age of Kings Heaven » Forums » Town's Crier » In this thread, I prove that I am really great!
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Topic Subject:In this thread, I prove that I am really great!
Feliks
Squire
(id: Joshooarh)
posted 10-16-12 02:21 PM CT (US)         
The background for this: right now, I am sifting through everything I have ever owned, with the intention of throwing away most of it. Right now, I'm on to all my old school work amongst all the other crap that I have found slotted in between successive work books and pinned together sheets of mathematics. Such as: a giant poster of almost completely naked wrestlers, all sweaty and touching each other up (childhood sexuality suddenly pulled into question), a map of all of the alps (for some reason, I own such a thing), some kind of hideous faded wall hanging thing with a picture of a dog on it (I will never know why I bought that) and perhaps most shockingly: some kind of strange in-ear thing that looks disturbingly like something that could have application on a lower orifice.

On to the actual point of this thread: some of the schoolwork I've dug out, I have saved from the bin in favor of first running them through a scanner so that I can use them to construct a CV of my many superhuman talents. You will find that below.

Joshua Lambie

This is what I look like -



I am...

  • A capable athlete (and dresser) since the age of four -


  • Capable of understanding complex theological constructs since the age of five -


  • Dashing and charismatic enough to be pursuing romantic relationships from the age of six -


  • An acceptable taste in music from the age of seven -


  • Survived dreadful illness of doom at the age of eight. Character slightly more built. Was blown to smithereens by classmates upon return -


  • Computer literate (kinda) from the age of nine -


  • Beautifully artistic poet from the age of ten -


  • Capable cook of many complex Michelin star dishes from the age of eleven -


  • Brutally cynical from the age of twelve -


  • Master of the French language from the age of fourteen -


  • Performer of the most hideous guitar ditties from the age of fifteen -


    Also, I found some pictures of me from a trip to Alton Towers a couple of years ago. I look very clean shaven in all of them. One, two and three.
    Also, in reality most of the attributions of age on this list are totally estimated. I actually have very little idea as to when I did most of these things.

    [This message has been edited by Felix Waters (edited 08-02-2013 @ 04:08 PM).]

  • AuthorReplies:
    THYMOLE
    Squire
    posted 10-16-12 02:44 PM CT (US)     1 / 22       
    I think this should be dated closer to the 2010 era
    Major Helper
    AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
    posted 10-16-12 03:06 PM CT (US)     2 / 22       
    I wonder where all my old stuff is or whether my mum has thrown all of them away Probably thrown them away, they weren't anything special. I wasn't (and am not) a good drawer.

    _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
    You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
    Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
    I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
    Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
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    Feliks
    Squire
    (id: Joshooarh)
    posted 10-16-12 03:08 PM CT (US)     3 / 22       
    I wasn't (and am not) a good drawer.
    I was always more of a cupboard.
    THYMOLE
    Squire
    posted 10-16-12 03:09 PM CT (US)     4 / 22       
    I wish I had drawn more as a child. I'm not good enough to feel motivated to practice now
    Major Helper
    AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
    posted 10-16-12 05:59 PM CT (US)     5 / 22       
    Felix's comment was brilliant, thanks for the laugh

    _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
    You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
    Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
    I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
    Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
    -=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-
    Popeychops
    "Cool" Huskarl
    posted 10-16-12 06:35 PM CT (US)     6 / 22       
    On seeing your third picture I broke down in tears of fervorous joy. Please teach me, master, so that I may be enlightened.

    Some cool stuff. Having a memory lane meander myself now.

    Member of BlackForest Studios
    Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
    and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
    "Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
    "Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
    "You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
    General_Zavier
    Squire
    posted 10-17-12 00:48 AM CT (US)     7 / 22       
    Felix you should quit your day job and become an artist. I'm moved by your works of art.

    The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. ~Niels Bohr
    No matter how hard you try, you cannot outwit stupid people. ~Anonymous
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    Draconian Devil
    Squire
    (id: DraconainDevil)
    posted 10-17-12 04:40 AM CT (US)     8 / 22       
    Really nice knowing you Mr.Felix.

    ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
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    Zardozhotep
    Squire
    (id: Kahotep)
    posted 10-17-12 04:58 AM CT (US)     9 / 22       
    Wow, Felix, you've been drawing for the same amount of time that I have. I loved doodling as a kid. Unfortunately I don't think I have any drawings around that predate the last four years.

    Everything is better with dinosaurs.
    Jetkill Fastmurder
    Squire
    (id: Mayank Sharma)
    posted 10-17-12 05:57 AM CT (US)     10 / 22       
    You had a girlfriend named Israel? What is wrong with you?

    "Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor" - Alexis Carrel
    Dawn of Fantasy Heaven Census II
    Lord Sipia
    Knight
    posted 10-17-12 06:47 AM CT (US)     11 / 22       
    Age 13 must have been a bad year for you then.

    "You can't open up the story of my life and just go to page 738 and think you know me."
    --Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson (on judging people by their Google search history)

    "It's hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty."
    --Dan "Danny Sexbang" Avidan
    Zardozhotep
    Squire
    (id: Kahotep)
    posted 10-17-12 06:57 AM CT (US)     12 / 22       
    You had a girlfriend named Israel? What is wrong with you?
    I've heard worse names, believe me. At least Israel is an actual word.

    Everything is better with dinosaurs.
    Feliks
    Squire
    (id: Joshooarh)
    posted 10-17-12 12:17 PM CT (US)     13 / 22       
    Age 13 must have been a bad year for you then.
    I didn't really have anything for age thirteen so I just left it out. I probably could have scanned in something for that time but it wouldn't have been very interesting at all. Ninety-nine percent of my old school work lacks any real curiosity value. Even for me.
    You had a girlfriend named Israel? What is wrong with you?
    I actually knew Israel as a name before I got to know it as a country. She was a friend of the family really, but we were really close at school. She moved away when I was... maybe seven? I'm not exactly sure how old. I often wonder what I would be like if she hadn't moved away. I didn't really have many other friends when she was around and I spent all of my time with her. I do think that her moving away to Exeter had more influence on who I am today than any other single thing that has ever happened to me. I haven't actually seen her since then. I should probably go up and visit sometime; my mother still knows where she lives.
    Popeychops
    "Cool" Huskarl
    posted 10-17-12 05:06 PM CT (US)     14 / 22       
    haven't actually seen her since then. I should probably go up and visit sometime; my mother still knows where she lives.
    You should probably call first.

    Did everyone go through a stage about age 6 where you focused your time on one friend only? I know I did.

    Member of BlackForest Studios
    Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
    and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
    "Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
    "Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
    "You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
    Impeached
    VIP (Reverie World Studios)
    (id: MeGaIdIoT)
    posted 10-17-12 05:37 PM CT (US)     15 / 22       
    I should probably go up and visit sometime; my mother still knows where she lives.
    Do it. You won't regret catching up with an old friend. (Even one from when you were six years old ;-))

    me

    [This message has been edited by Impeached (edited 10-17-2012 @ 05:37 PM).]

    Chocolate Jesus
    Squire
    (id: trebuchet king)
    posted 10-17-12 07:05 PM CT (US)     16 / 22       
    Joshua Lambie
    I've always been a little weirded out by how readily you share your personal information on the internet. It's almost as if you killed the real Joshua Lambie, and are just using his persona to disguise the fact that you are a legion smurf. In Wales.

    What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
    Eating as much as an elephant eats?
    What are you at getting terribly fat?
    What do you think will come of that?
    "Actually, my foreskin was stuck at the point where the pink bulb starts, and they cut it free."-Stroke
    "Tonight, I pulled it back a bit too far and the opening of my foreskin is stuck beneath the head of my penis." -Pears
    Jetkill Fastmurder
    Squire
    (id: Mayank Sharma)
    posted 10-18-12 05:55 AM CT (US)     17 / 22       
    You see, there was a time where I thought we had to fill our real name in the 'name' category and our real address in the 'location' category. And that I did...

    "Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor" - Alexis Carrel
    Dawn of Fantasy Heaven Census II
    ColdCanuck
    Squire
    (id: Coldviper)
    posted 10-18-12 08:33 AM CT (US)     18 / 22       
    Wats impeached doing back? I thought he died or something!
    Dead_End
    Cavalier
    posted 10-18-12 09:00 AM CT (US)     19 / 22       
    You see, there was a time where I thought we had to fill our real name in the 'name' category and our real address in the 'location' category. And that I did...
    A time called 2009?
    Jetkill Fastmurder
    Squire
    (id: Mayank Sharma)
    posted 10-18-12 10:36 AM CT (US)     20 / 22       
    Yeah And That Time I Typed Like This.No Grammar Either.

    "Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor" - Alexis Carrel
    Dawn of Fantasy Heaven Census II
    Dead_End
    Cavalier
    posted 10-18-12 11:00 AM CT (US)     21 / 22       
    Glad those days are over.

    (Had a good laugh reading through some of my older posts as well.)
    Feliks
    Squire
    (id: Joshooarh)
    posted 10-18-12 12:43 PM CT (US)     22 / 22       
    You should probably call first.
    Obviously.
    I've always been a little weirded out by how readily you share your personal information on the internet.
    There are a few people on here who know my home address. I'm pretty relaxed with personal info if people actually want to know.

    [This message has been edited by Felix Waters (edited 05-05-2013 @ 03:05 AM).]

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