Community Spotlight
October 3rd, 2009 by Lord Basse

Aro

“Near midnight, October 3rd.
Things are running late. Four days into October and September’s feature isn’t even up yet! The interviewing garotte still doesn’t have a victim ready. And here I am, writing this crap! It should be someone very special. AoK just turned 10 years old, and this is the tenth spotlight too… and I need someone quickly! Someone I haven’t interviewed yet, someone quite famous, but still not so famous that the spotlight renders worthless. Someone-“

The door to Basse’s office is kicked wide open, and a shady figure emerges into the dark room.

Basse: Who are you?
????: I am death.
Basse: No you’re not.
????: Yes I am, for all you know.
Basse: Hm, your voice does sound similar…
????: Of course it does. I AM YOUR GOD!
Basse: No you’re not.
????: OH YES I AM!
Basse: No.
????: Aw just shut it Basse, stop ruining all my entrances!
Basse: *All* your entrances? But… you’ve only- … Ah!

“Of course!”

Bold text: interviewer (Basse); regular text: victim (Aro)

Life in Minnesota must surely be like living in Paradise. After all it’s the Sweden of USA, what with the Kensington Stone, 19th century colonialism and all. Don’t you agree?
Aro: I can’t agree to something so blatantly wrong and horrible, outright horrible. I’d say Minnesota is more like the Dutch South American Germany of an Africanized Asia. Non-existent, unless you believe. And oh, I believe.

When did you start playing Age of Kings?
Aro: I started playing Age of Kings when I was 11 or so. I remember being impressed by the awesome graphics. For the horses, you see, they moved their legs. I was just downright amazed. I upgraded to TC when I “borrowed” it from my uncle, and by borrowed, I mean took and never returned. Also, I set fire to his furniture, JUST BECAUSE I COULD.

How did you find Age of Kings Heaven?
Aro: I started making multiplayer maps so I could play online with my uncle, who was my gaming idol. First I found Planet AoE, which sucked horribly and continues to do so to this very day, and then I found the Blacksmith. Next thing you know, I was in SD, learning how I could make a cheap copy of The King’s Best Men.

How and when did you become Il Duce of AoKH?
Aro: I became a Cherub in early ’03, hired by the famous Dark Side of Day at the recommendation of Luke “Clever Arts” Gevaerts. Then there was that power coup in 2004. The guy before me, Philip Dunscombe, was friggin’ crazy and evil. AND YES, I’LL NAME NAMES. He resigned after realizing he sucked horribly at his job and was a horrible human being, and I took over. That was around the time the Arocratic Party was founded, as a neutral political party for all of the cool AoKH’ers, a secret service for all of the cool dictators, and cult of personality for all of the cool Aro.

Over the past year or so, you (and your new staff) have done some huge updates to the site, including a completely new interface for the website, as well as reopening several site features, like this article series, the Blacksmith Feature and ol’ Work-in-Progress Spotlight. What do you think of the “rebirth” of the site and did it end up as you had hoped for?
Aro: I had been dreaming up the update since I was a wee(eeeeee) Cherub, and actually had a large portion of the content done long before ’08 came around. I had extremely high expectations, and one of my expectations was that I would last longer than I eventually would – doing so much at once can burn you out. I was well aware of that from the work I had done transforming AoE3H into a sexier site as their Seraph, and that burn out was very painful. And while the final product didn’t meet my sky-high expectations… it went pretty well. In retrospect, it’s actually the best revamp since the big bang. And there’s still so much to do! The AGONY OF IT ALL, WHEN WILL IT END?!?!

Who’s your favourite designer?
Aro: If I’m being honest, Ingo van Thiel. If I’m being less cliche, The Vampire Slayer (a.k.a. Tevious) has to be my favorite. He also had some AWESOME projects in SWGB. That rascal.

What do you study?/What do you work with?
Aro: I’m a web developer who maintains websites and codes new ones. I’m also a site designer. I own a drug empire too, but I best be quiet on that one, lest everybody ask me for free VERY ILLEGAL ibuprofen.

Excluding swimming in your personal sea of gold and bragging about your own awesomeness, do you have any other interests? Dare I say music?
Aro: Contrary to popular belief, I do *not* brag about my own awesomeness, I just pay others to do that for me. And music is probably the biggest interest I could ever have, ever. There’s something awesome about writing a song in Reno, just to watch it die. (That “personal sea of gold” better not be a urine reference.)

What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
Aro: Besides babes and money? Probably many attractive women and US-approved currency… but at the same time, I don’t wanna ask for too much, so some sexy females and a room filled with green paper signifying wealth and a higher social status will suffice. And world domination. That one’s important, right up there with immortality.

After a silent take-over in 2004 and winning the AoKH Presidential Election in 2008, you have become both the de facto ruler (Il Duce) and de jure ruler of AoKH. Are you planning to campaign again in the elections of 2012?
Aro: We’ll see if I earn it, and if Vice President sly guy wants to be on the ticket again. He’s so verbose, rude and talkative that you’d think he’s hurting my chances, but apparently that’s why people love him. According to our Presidential Exploration group, anyway. (My drug-induced Estonian son, Morgoth.)

Also, there’s no need to be fancy. Dictator is fine. I like it because it has “dict” in it, and I’m sort of a “dict” to some people. And “Il Duce” reminds me too much of some fat Godfather-type villain who raps. (And Godfather-type raps aside, I’m totally not a fat villain.)

Quickie-time: Red or Blue?
Aro: Both suck. Grey!

Chocolate or crisps?
Aro: Both suck. Chocolate crisps. Preferably grey ones.

Antarctica or Sahara?
Aro: Sahara. I’m cold-blooded, so I’d fit in nicely. Also, grey.

Tea or coffee?
Aro: Silly question. I drink neither. Unless it’s some sort of trick question, in which case, grey.

City or countryside?
Aro: DAMN… can’t I get a middle option? Cuz I prefer a suburban town, damn it! You and your black and white! This is how racism started ya know!

“Your awesomeness” or “Your monkeyness”?
Aro: “His Awesomeness”, because I would much rather people refer to *my* awesomeness, and I want to be contrary. And contrary to contrary belief, I am not a monkey. The grey drunken enraged monkey is the symbol of the Arocrats; and the Arocrats is the symbol of the grey drunken enraged monkey. We are both, and we are none; we are none and we are one.

Also, grey.

Concluding the interrogation now, is there a game/band/scenario/film that you would like to recommend to the people reading this?
Aro: Game: Chutes and Ladders. Nothing quite matches the violence and intensity of what seems like a simple board game. It’s one of the few games where you can legally punch somebody in the friggin’ face for rolling chutes.

Band: Coeus the Boxing Titan. Because it’s MY music. Also, you can’t go wrong with Rage Against the Machine, particularly because machines are fun to rage against. Morgoth is becoming quite the songwriter too, taking after his old dad. It’s just that he won’t publish his music because he’s a jerk.

Scenario: Anybody that can release a full project, as opposed to a teaser or a half-finished cut-scene, deserves a billion downloads.

Film: Training Day. Or, alternatively, American History X. NO, WAIT… Seven Samurai! Even though I watched it without subtitles, that movie still kicks. Also, it was made before color television, meaning the only color you’re seeing is GREY.